Height: 6′
Years played 6
Position: enforcer/wild card
Theme song: Blue (da ba dee)
Hometown: West Linn
Main Hustle: data analysis
Side Hustle: jimmy johns
Animorph: king crab
Michael hit the ground running freshman year with absurd hot takes and never let up. Notable Michael claims include: “we could end world hunger if urination was instant.” Michael will probably declare a math major, though as a freshman he could not puzzle out the meaning of “6 ct tenders.” What a menace. On the field, you will find Michael making sharp, committed cuts and straight up gooning on people. A frisbee game against Iron Mike is like a chess-boxing match against a really smart kangaroo; you can try to win the chess game but you’re getting pounded on no matter what.