Ellis Newhouse | 95

Name: Ellis Newhouse
Hometown: Minneapolis MN
Years played: 9
Position: “I handled in high school”
Theme Song: Already Rich by Yeat
Main Hustle: Ending Thomas’s season
Side Hustle: Urinary Incontinence
Smells Like: Designer Collection #DC-010 Even Better Beige Flat Exterior Paint

Ellis is – how can I describe Ellis? Ellis is like if you took a really good Margarita pizza, soul-bound it to a short-haired Belgian Shepherd, then reverse animorphed the Belgian Shepherd into a human being. Reliable, athletic, and humanoid, Ellis has looked good out there so far, and we are beyond excited to see how his role on the team develops.
While a generally pleasant person to talk to, beware if he’s in your car for a tournament or in your row on the airplane, he is going to make you stop or stand up A LOT. It’s okay Ellis, we know you’re doing your best. Keep working on that bladder retention buddy, I’m sure the reps will pay off.