Name: Paul Ready

Nickname: Freddie Ready

Hometown: Cake Eater City

Height: Not enough

Weight: Too much

Favorite Position: On the fence

Favorite Republican: Honest Abe (Eichner)

Favorite GoP Alum: Fruit Pooch

Favorite CUTboy: Alex Kucich <3

Favorite Syzygite: It’s pronounced stalagmite

Favorite Eclipser: All of the above

Favorite Drink: Warm Milk

Bowling High Score: 301

Personal Achievements: Maxed out a Bop-It

Favorite Quote: “Did that kid just max out a Bop-It?” – ESPN

Favorite Real Sport: Bop-It

Number of 12-year-olds you realistically think you could beat up at once: That’s like 84 in dog years, I don’t hit the elderly

Dumbest thing you’ve ever done (other than playing for GOP): I left my GameCube plugged in for two days and it melted and I lost all my Monkey Ball progress. 

Personal Anecdote: I wet the bed until 9 years old. I only stopped because I was gonna have to upsize to adult diapers.

Favorite YouTube video: