Name: Jake Bortles
Height: 18 hands
Weight: 170lbs body, 0.1oz soul
Bra Size: extra long
Favorite Position: antifreeze is my favorite poison
Favorite Republican: Schuyler Colfax
Favorite GoP Alum: that guy I met
Favorite CUTboy: don’t know
Favorite Syzygite: don’t know
Favorite Eclipser: all of them
Favorite Drink: mate
Bowling High Score: 196
Personal Achievements: GoP Spokesman
Favorite Quotation (preferably from Niko): “This is bad, because I THINK that I’m REALLY funny, when in reality, I’m not funny at all.” – Niko
Favorite Real Sport: Biathlon
Number of 12 year olds you realistically think you could beat up at once: Tuesday November 17th 2009, Five
Dumbest thing you’ve ever done (other than playing for GOP): drink from the slop bucket
Favorite YouTube video: