Height: 5′ 10″ on a good day
Weight: 140 lbs of bone and tendon
Position: Not Handler
Republican: Ron Paul
GOP Alum: Jake ‘Opportunivore’ Eaton
Hodag: SETH MEYER, SETH MEYER, SETHMEYERSETHMEYERSETHMEYER
Syzygite: Ms. Martinez
Drink: The Rutherford Scatter
D-Mac Quote: “They’re not called MEtensils”
Real Sport: Free Running
Bowling High Score: 204
Number of 12 year olds you realistically think you could beat up at once: 8-9 Minnesotans, 2-3 Jersey boys from Newark
Dumbest thing you’ve ever done: Driven from NJ to Philly and back without brakes.
Anecdote: I was on the field once playing against Rundquist and ran into him. It was like hitting a brick wall. Afterwards I told him that, and this is what he had to say…
“Yeah, I’m pretty solid I guess. The other day in practice I knew a guy was gonna go upline, so I put my body in front of him and just headbutted him. Laid him out. I didn’t feel a thing.
I think I’ve got problems.”