“Who’s on Seventh?”: The World Prevails

By Mike Kowalewski

Dateline:  Bell Field (May 28, 2024)

Early morning showers today had English majors, faculty and the media all concerned about the viability of this year’s English Department Picnic and Softball Game.  But Solvei Robertson “guaranteed” fine weather by 5 PM, and the unofficial motto of the Department is, of course, “In Solvei We Trust.”  It turned out to be a lovely late afternoon on Bell Field, with blue, rain-freshened skies, fluffy clouds, mild temperatures and a light breeze that keep the charcoal briquets glowing and the insects blessedly at bay.  Chair and Grillmaster George Shuffelton, with help from Jessica Leiman and Carolina Cabanela, expertly cooked a batch of burgers and hot dogs and – when added to Solvei’s groaning board of chips, salads, cookies and drinks – the Department enjoyed a convivial Picnic together.  Greg Smith plaintively noted that this would be his last Picnic before retirement, and one could almost hear Bell Field breathe a rueful sigh of regret.  We can only hope Greg will continue to come back to our future barbecues, as an emeritus faculty member, if only to see what the World is up to.

After dinner, it was time for the Department’s annual “Seniors Vs. The World” Softball Game.  The Seniors batted first.  Phoebe Ward was up first and immediately hit a fly ball . . . that was caught one-handed by Winston Ingalls.  This was not what the Seniors had expected and they may have been momentarily disheartened, but then Collin Preves stepped to the plate and confidently smacked a single.  He was followed by Ella Cunningham, Isabel Hoyt-Niemiec, Kira Farmer and Bella Frost, who all did the same.  The bases were beginning to fill up, but the World’s fielding was sharp and the Seniors could not score a run.  The World then came to bat.  Arthur Koenig was up first and hit a single.  Will Hassell used the pink Shakespearean bat and hit a creditable fly-ball but Christian Schultz made a dramatic catch that inspired a murmur of admiration.  Carolina Cabanela got a hit, then so did Elinor Rees-Hill and Florence Basile and the first run for the World was scored.  Lydia Montgomery made the final out for the Seniors and at the end of the first inning the World led 1-0.

There were more lemons than lemonade for the Seniors in the second inning, which proved to be the decisive stanza of the game.  Three Senior batters – Julia Nicholson, Lydia Montgomery and Han Han – all hit solid singles.  But all three were also promptly thrown out at first base due to adept fielding by Arthur Koenig.  Three up, three down, and in the blink of an eye, the World was back at bat. 

Ambar Galaviz was the first to bat for The World and hit a fly-ball that caused Collin Preves to engage in some acrobatic juggling that left Collin on the ground in the infield, the ball next to him on the grass, and Ambar safely on first base.  Next up was Cecilia Samadani, who hit several impressive foul balls in a row before whacking a single, followed by some stylish base-running.  Then it was Fieldmaster Arnab Chakladar’s turn.  He took off his coat, approached the plate and took a mighty swing at a pitch that team-mate Pierre Hecker said “even Salman Rushdie could have hit” . . . and missed.  Undeterred, Arnab hit a strong single on the next pitch and raced to first base, carrying the pink bat menacingly with him the whole way.  The World cheered; the Seniors snarled; and George Shuffelton came up to bat.  George too hit a single and suddenly the bases were loaded.  It was then that newly declared sophomore Winston Ingalls strode to home plate and blew the game open.  Winston first hit a massive foul ball that disappeared into the weeds of Spring Creek and was never heard from again.  (If the ball made it into Spring Creek and then into the Cannon, it may eventually float to the Gulf of Mexico.)  Then, two swings later, Winston hit a high-arcing Grand Slam that brought in 4 runs.  (Winston may soon be looking for an agent for Name/Image/Likeness contracts.)  Sasha Monks, recently returned from her national championship match with Eclipse, blasted a robust single, then Ryan Bernstein hit a double and both later tripped the light fantastic as they crossed home plate for more scores.  Carolina Cabanela and Will Hassell both hit singles.  Linnea Williams got in the action.  Pierre – once again displaying his “antic disposition” – batted with one hand and got on base.  Nothing could stop The World, or so it seemed.  When the dust finally cleared the score was The World 7, Seniors Zilch.

Anyone who knows about the resilience of the Class of 2024, however, knows that they were not about to give up without a fight.  With Senior honor on the line, and clearly realizing that it was “now or never,” Christian Schultz made the brilliant tactical decision to switch to a tennis racket and immediately hit a single.  Senior hearts were gladdened.  Edgar Alejandro-Martinez followed suit next, hitting a single, followed by Kira Farmer, who did the same.  Collin Preves stepped up to bat and despite some good-natured jibes from his Comps advisor Pierre (“alright, Hot Dog Boy . . . !”) immediately batted in the first run for the Seniors.  This was followed by a flurry of Senior hits and runs and suddenly, astonishingly, the score was 7-5 with two outs.  The World was aghast.  Julia Nicholson got a hit and anything seemed possible, that is until an enigmatic play changed everything.  Tolkien’s wizard Gandalf famously said that “not all who wander are lost.”  Bella Frost proved the fragility of such a notion.  On the next play, Bella, who was already on base, raced toward second base and then kept on going – no one was quite sure where.  Perhaps she was headed for the Shire, it was hard to tell.  In any case, she overshot the base and was tagged for the final out of the game. 

          Final Score:  the World 7, Seniors 5.    

After the traditional Good Sportsmanship hand-slaps, the World was buoyant while the Seniors tried to make sense of what had just happened.   Arthur Koenig said that “the Seniors might try to try to start a new ‘Stop the Steal’ movement to explain their loss, but it won’t work.”  When asked why the World won, Arnab said, “It was obvious:  better skills, better preparation.  And Bella’s inspirational run to 7^th base was a key part of our success.”  Pierre added some helpful insight into what had happened to Bella.  “Bella played with a concussion,” Pierre said. “She just rubbed some dirt in it and then started running for Dundas.”  The Seniors were of a different mind.  “Arnab scared me,” Collin Preves said.  “God wasn’t with me this evening.”  Kira Farmer, for her part, wasn’t quite sure about The World’s performance.  “I didn’t know what to expect from The World,” Kira said, “but I was disappointed.”  Finally, Bella Frost offered her own explanation for what happened:  “I just ran in what I thought was approximately the right direction, and I was dead wrong.  (Honestly, I didn’t have my glasses and I couldn’t see where I was going.)”  Despite this misadventure, Bella remained cheerfully philosophical about the game.  “I guess inventing a base in softball is my legacy to the English Department.  I’m happy about that.”

And so, as another year slides to a finish in a cloud of dust and final exams, the Seniors can feel good about themselves as they finish up their last few days at Carleton and prepare for Commencement.  While they couldn’t beat the World this evening, they’ll join it in just a few days and The World will be far richer for that.  Long live the Seniors!  Long live 7^th Base!

Your Humble Scribe,

Mike Kowalewski