Dateline: (A Lonesome) Bell Field (June 2, 2021)
My last report from the Green Precincts of Bell Field, site of the English Department’s traditional picnic and “Seniors Versus The World” Softball game, was two years ago, on June 4, 2019. The World rolled on in that game, besting the Seniors, 23-6. The World was in high spirits for months after the game, before suddenly being compelled to exit, pursued by a bear. The global coronavirus pandemic that required us all to shelter in place last spring forced a cancellation of the annual Softball game in 2020. Hopes were high that we might create a Bell Field Bubble, ala the NBA, and somehow manage to play this year’s game, but alas, campus COVID restrictions would not allow for that. Rotblatt was not the only casualty this spring!
The prospect of two years in a row without a chance for the Seniors to take on the World seemed unendurable, dishonorable, unjust and . . . just plain unsporting to Department Chair Greg Hewett. Therefore, by the authority vested in Greg by the English Department, the Norton Anthology of American Literature, the State of Minnesota, etc., he made a (typically) bold decision. Knowing that the Seniors were ready but that the World was still in hiding, Chair Hewett announced, “I hearby decree, that the World has forfeited this year’s contest, and that the Seniors have therefore won the game!”
The World is in shock and struggling to come to grips with the news. Some of the World’s players were too dejected to comment. Others signed up to be docents and lead tours of the newly renovated Laird Hall. Many were left to imagine what regular stalwarts for The World such as Field General Arnab Chakladar, Slugger Adriana Estill, Prancing Tim Raylor (stylishly dressed for a Court Masque), George “Cannonball” Shuffelton, and the “Sultan of Swat” Peter Balaam might have done on the field of play – to say nothing of the crop of Junior and newly minted Sophomore majors, none of whom have yet had a chance to play in this fabled contest. And would Constance Walker have actually brought her rapier to the game? (Read your Second Laird Miscellany!) The World will never know.
Pierre Hecker, for his part, deeply affected by having spent the last nine months in exile on the backside of Laird Hall, “Where Alph, the sacred river, ran / Through caverns measureless to man / Down to a sunless office in the CMC,” had a dream vision in which he imagined the game had been played and jotted down the following on a scrap of papyrus:
Amanda Mosborg, still on a roll from the NCAA Division III and MIAC Outdoor Track & Field Championships, kept running and stole more bases than anyone knew existed on a baseball diamond. Susan Jaret McKinstry, obviously feeling empowered by Carleton’s imminent Victorianist takeover as Alison R. Byerly assumes the presidency of the college, peppered the infield with one hit after another, shouting “Who has seen the wind?” as she rounded the bases. I myself, deprived of my hot pink bat engraved with “A hit, a very palpable hit,” nevertheless hit a powerful line drive. Katie Landacre and Gray Harrison, both survivors of Shakespeare II, simultaneously shouted “I’ll catch it ere it come to ground!” as they dove for the ball which, alas, they were nowhere near. However, Elwood Olson, whose understanding of Calculus turns out to be more valuable than Shakespeare quotes when it comes to assessing a ball’s trajectory, made the catch for the third out and end of the inning . . . [at this point there was an interruption by a person on business from Porlock and the vision dissolved]
The Seniors are undoubtedly elated by Greg’s announcement, though many were still bowed down by 10th week deadlines and unavailable for comment. Big hitters such as Naomi Brim, Jordan Fues, Felipe “The Kid” Jimenez, Rebby Lee, Kiki Perry, Rajkumar Raiyani, David Rubin, Lena Stein, Xena Wolf and Jedi Master Carlos Uribe all likely regret the chance to show the World a thing or two. Faith Yim was surely looking forward to hitting a Grand Slam. Emily Amland, Josephine Berlage, Bethstyline Fine, Sam Goity, Max Kerner, Finn Lorenz, Jelilat Odubayo, and Yichu Wang were also doubtless ready to shine with theatrical fielding, pitching and literary banter in the outfield. Rebecca Hicks was ready to bat remotely from St. Louis.
Cara Meyer reflected the Seniors’ unflappable confidence in their abilities and their tech savvy. “The professors,” she explained, “didn’t seem to realize that this event was happening in-person, not on zoom. When the World started to discuss strategy, Arnab kept requesting a breakout room, and didn’t seem to realize that the Seniors could hear everything that was said!” When asked to respond to this startling revelation, Professor Chakladar, who has been puzzling over the rules of American Softball for years now, said: “All I wanted was for someone to explain why the bowlers were being allowed to bowl underhand and why the captain of the World was refusing to place fielders at silly point, forward short leg and gully. Between that and the refusal to break for drinks, lunch and tea, it is no wonder I was unable to score the century most people naturally expect of me.” So, while The World may be down, it is clearly not out. Watch out Class of 2022! The World will be busy in the off-season and the stage has been set for an epic battle next spring.
In the meantime, this year’s Seniors can have an extra spring in their step as they finish up finals and prepare for Commencement. They can bask in the knowledge that they, unlike any other class of English majors in recent memory, were never on a losing team! If The World ever supposes that it can bring them down, the Seniors already know better. They will simply nod, smile and say, “yes, isn’t it pretty to think so.”
Your Humble Scribe,
Mike Kowalewski
p.s. In lieu of our traditional post-game team photo we are including a photo of this year’s Senior Banquet, taken, if not by Pierre Hecker, than at least with his camera.