Dateline: Bell Field (May 29, 2018)
The English Department gathered this evening for its annual picnic under lowering skies with the sound of distant thunder rumbling across the green fields of late May. The forecast was for scattered showers but the Weather Gods had different plans. Grillmasters Extraordinaire Chris Wortman and Will Clapp were able to light the barbeque before the rains commenced. The steadily increasing showers and arc lightning drove most of the department under the eaves of Evans Hall and then eventually into Evans Lounge.
Meanwhile, Chris, Will, Meggan Clapp, Tim Raylor, Jessica Leiman, Nancy Cho and a few other hardy souls all valiantly braved the storm, risking life, limb and imminent electrocution — much like Gabriel Oak and Bathsheba Everdene saving the hay ricks in Far From the Madding Crowd — in order to save the barbecue. Holding several strategically positioned umbrellas, our Departmental Heroes were able to preserve the burgers and brats roasting sociably on the grill. Meggan purchased thick, sumptuous burgers and a delicious meal was eventually enjoyed by all, even if the Evans Lounge was quickly becoming Evans Sauna, from the trapped heat, until the ever-valiant Jeremy Updike opened some windows to create a cooling cross-draft. (Thank you for your service, Jeremy!)
Of course, the entire department was visibly crestfallen that the traditional “Seniors vs. the World” softball game could not be played because of the inclement weather. (“I’m really looking forward to kicking the World’s ass,” the normally mild-mannered Natty Maneerit had noted cheerfully in pre-game office hours.) Yet as everyone knows, You Can’t Keep a Good Department Down, and it was soon decided that a rousing first-time-ever game of Foosball (with rotating teams on each side switching every 30-60 seconds) would stand in as this year’s “Seniors Vs. The World” contest.
It’s not difficult to tap into the competitive fires burning under the genial exterior of the English Department. Both sides joined in the battle with the same joie de vivre, formidable skill, and relative discipline with which they discuss a Shakespearean sonnet or a paragraph of Foucault. (Carleton English majors carry the virtues of Second Laird wherever they roam.)
The Seniors fielded a fearsome team, two by two, that included Hannah Gellman, Saul Melo Lira, Jenan Jacobson, Maddie Chambers, Tina Sieben, Alexandra Pozniak, Natty Maneerit, Joe Brommel, Bonnie Lindgren and Melanie Wurm (who — ever gracious and accommodating — also served as Scorekeeper). Facing them across the table, the World featured its usual range of unpredictable eclecticism. For the faculty, Field General Arnab Chakladar, Pierre Hecker, “Pistol Pete” Balaam, Tim Raylor and Department Chair Nancy Cho were joined by Maddy Birnbaum, Annie Utzschneider, Addison Williamson, Peter Wilson, Erica Helgerud and others.
Saul Melo Lira and Jenan Jacobson came out with both guns blazing (or rather, both rods spinning) for the Seniors, while Joe Brommel attracted attention when he repeatedly pounded on the ball with his player’s foot when the ball was stuck. But the World held its ground. The wily Tim Raylor (a quick study in all things) quickly mastered a command of the laminated pitch. His teammate Annie Utzschneider was a Force of Nature, and Maddy Birnbaum displayed lightning quick reflexes with a flick of the wrist.
Senior spirits soared when their team took the lead in the middle of the game. But as we all know, the World is scrappy and it gradually clawed its way out of a deficit, helped undoubtedly by Addison Williamson’s penchant for wildly spinning his players and launching the ball, like a T-Mobile satellite, into the outer reaches of Evans Lounge. When the game was tied or there was a match point for the World, Arnab perfected his psychological warfare, prowling the Senior sideline, reminding the Seniors just how much pressure was on them if they made a bad shot.
After several ties and heart-stopping lead-changes — some of them in complete silence, broken only by the madly clicking ball and the thunder rumbling in the background — the World emerged triumphant when Maddy Birmbaum slammed home the winning goal for a final overtime score of 32-30. The World cheered, the Seniors growled and the contest ended with the traditional high-fiving Congratulation Line and a handsome group photo.
The World was abuzz with post-game exhilaration. “I think reading Go Down, Moses sharpened my wit,” Maddy Birmbaum said in reflecting on her game-winning shot. Seniors, on the other hand, were philosophical about their loss. One conceded that “the World stayed calm under pressure. And they had a deeper bench.”
For his part, Joe Brommel thought the Seniors played “an altogether great game, with good defense against an early, deceitful defense and adverse weather.” Melanie Wurm agreed that “we’re not used to playing in the rain.” “Seniors never win and seniors never die!” someone declared in a tone of despondent hopefulness. Jenan Jacobson remained resolute: “I think we would have won if it was softball.” And Tina Sieben took evident pleasure in the fact that “I out trash-talked Arnab.” Professor Chakladar responded that “it pains me deeply to see my attempts to discuss our graduating seniors’ plans with them characterized as ‘trash talking.’” Yes. Isn’t it pretty to think so.
And thus ended yet another successful picnic, with this year’s gathering proving once again that nothing — neither wind, nor rain nor looming essay deadlines — can dampen the impish heart of the Carleton English Department. (There’s a reason so many English alums return for Reunions!)
As Commencement approaches, we all wish a heartfelt Godspeed to the Class of 2018. While the Seniors didn’t manage to win this year’s game, they have every reason to hold their heads high, as they once again showed that they are fully capable of giving the World just about all that it can handle.
Your Humble Scribe, from Evans Lounge,
Mike Kowalewski
