Welcome to the Miscellany’s first-ever advice column: Ask Arnab.
1. Q: Dear Arnab,
I understand you read Kipling’s Jungle Book to your two young children. As a postcolonialist, how do you address the topic of white/British imperialism in an age-appropriate manner?
– POC In Need of a Bedtime Story
Dear POC In Need of a Bedtime Story,
We began with two weeks of Said and took it from there.
Actually, my relationship with Kipling is complex and contradictory and is the sort of thing that for a postcolonialist can probably only be admitted in public after tenure. I will not here go into the question of why Kipling at his jingoistic worst is more essential reading for anyone seeking to understand the dynamics of British imperialism than something like A Passage to India. I will just say that The Jungle Book is amazing children’s literature (or anyone’s literature, really) and is less obviously problematic on the imperialism front than something like Kim (which is also an amazing book that you should read). That is to say, the imperialist stuff in The Jungle Book is buried mostly in subtext that my very young children can’t quite grasp. I read this stuff, and worse, myself as a child and a teenager (as a very young American you have probably never heard of Billy Bunter) and I grew up to be a postcolonialist anyway. To get away from the tedious autobiography to something approaching advice (though you didn’t seem to be asking for any): it is okay to take contradictory pleasures, especially when, as a bearded bloke once noted while introducing Gussie Fink-Nottle (scroll down to chapter 17), what you lose on the swings you gain on the roundabouts.
Also, I will admit that I bowdlerized the text of The Jungle Book as I read it, omitting the word “white” when denoting race (almost always to indicate temperamental superiority). They can read it again for themselves when they’re older and see what they make of it. By the way, did you know that in Kipling’s original Mowgli kills Shere Khan and skins him?
Regards,
Arnab
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2. Q. Dear Arnab,
How do you get an A+ on an English paper?
– Desperately Seeking a 4.0
Dear Desperately Seeking a 4.0
I’ve been trying for 28 years now and I’m yet to get an A+ on an English paper.
Regards,
Arnab
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3. Q. Dear Arnab,
I saw a National Geographic show about the supervolcano under Yellowstone, and now I’m filled with existential dread because it’s definitely going to explode soon. How can I come to terms with my own mortality?
Sincerely,
Quarter Life Crisis
Dear Quarter Life Crisis,
Valar morghulis.
(As long as it doesn’t happen before we find out whether R+L=J or not I’m fine.)
Regards,
Arnab
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4. Q. Dear Arnab,
I heard you like to cook. How do you deal with a difficult dish?
I like to eat gnocchi a lot, but whenever I’ve tried to make it from scratch, a sad inedible mush results. Every recipe I’ve read seems to lead me further away from success (I suspect a cartel of gnocchi-makers publishes intentionally awful recipes to ward off those who would threaten their trade). I am generally really good at not messing up recipes, but for some reason I am not able to understand this simple mixture of potatoes and flour (and perhaps an egg).
Do you think some dishes are simply incompatible with certain cooks? Have you ever conquered a difficult recipe or dish? Looking forward to your advice.
– Struggling in Saint Paul
Dear Struggling in Saint Paul,
As with A+s on English papers so with gnocchi: it is not easy. I do not mean to give the impression that I have mastered gnocchi, for I have not, but I can pass on the tips that have worked for me. First, if you’re making gnocchi with potatoes, make sure you have the right kind of potatoes. You want a waxy potato like a Yukon Gold, not something too starchy (as that is going to end in gummy gnocchi). Second, you want to make sure you don’t let the potatoes get waterlogged while boiling them–boil gently so they don’t split–and you want to let the mashed/riced potatoes dry out fully before adding flour (otherwise you will again have gummy gnocchi). Third, resist the temptation to use too much flour in order to get a dough that is easier to work with (you will end up with overly dense gnocchi). Or you can make things easier for yourself and make more forgiving ricotta gnocchi. Suzanne Goin’s excellent book, Sunday Suppers at Lucques has a very good recipe.
As for your larger question, I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be very good at making and rolling dough. I don’t think I have the patience necessary to become good at making and rolling dough. But you know, you don’t have to be good at making everything yourself; I will never be a good baker but I do know Jessica Leiman (she can bake but she can’t make chili).
Regards,
Arnab
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5. Q. Dear Arnab,
How does newness come into the world?
– Bhabha Bothered
Dear Bhabha Bothered,
Through a process of translation that can never be complete but which through its incompleteness gives us a glimpse of the infinite novelty of paradise. Thanks for asking!
Regards,
Arnab
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