Mary Lou (Hoerr) Bingham ’67 P04

(Deceased 04/06/2004)

On April 6, 2004, Mary Lou (Hoerr) Bingham, our good-hearted, longtime Class Agent Extraordinaire succumbed to the ovarian cancer which kept her from our 2002 which she helped plan.

Born on Louisiana Avenue in St Louis on September 7, 1945, Mary Louise (Hoerr) Bingham was the first child of Doris and William N. Hoerr. They raised her in Affton, a near south suburb of St Louis, with sister Trudy Jo, now living in the family home. Mary Lou, as she was always called, had a gift for playing the flute and piccolo, which she carried through HS Band, Orchestra and All County Band, on to college and later to church services here in Norfolk. 

As high school studies were readily mastered, Mary Lou was challenged by her father in constant daily debate. These language and thinking skills served well to support entrance to a rigorous liberal arts college education at Carleton College in Northfield Minnesota. During college, Mary Lou focused on U. S. History, with a successful defense of a comprehensive exploration of the concept of “frontier”, as a guide to the growth of American society, from East to West, across North America. 

Focus on a conceptual Frontier, as means to understanding communities, synched neatly when Mary Lou said to Mr. Qualey: “I’m not suited to teaching history. What else can I do?” His answer was to suggest Urban and Regional Planning. During her graduate work in this field at the University of Wisconsin, Mary Lou married Robert William Bingham, her college sweetheart, then a young naval officer. They made their home in Hampton Roads, Virginia. 

During her second year of grad school at Wisconsin, prior to and during visits with Rob in Norfolk, Mary Lou thoroughly researched her target city. Rob recalls that she knew Norfolk’s history from the time of its charter by the King of England, continuously to modern times. She also traversed the city, carefully learning its streets, neighborhoods and institutions.
Hired by the Norfolk Department of City Planning as its first non- University of North Carolinian and as its first female professional city planner, Mary Lou was launched into her career. One of her dreams was to “never get in a rut!” The lifeblood of a vibrant city assisted Mary Lou in her quest for perceptions that might contribute to making Norfolk a better place to live and work and play. 

The young couple was blessed by the arrival of two wonderful children, Ned Nellis Bingham in 1979 and Jill Paisley Bingham in 1982. Mary Lou faced the child-care vs. job conundrum. Her response was a housekeeper days, and intense parenting, evenings, and weekends. The results speak for themselves. Son, Ned, is a Computer Science graduate of Earlham College. Daughter, Jill, will graduate in Physics this year from Carleton College. She made them in her image as powerful and compassionate people. 

Mary Lou lived as an example by moving her community into better shape than it was when she found it. Among her many accomplishments, such as being the lead staffer for millions of dollars of HUD grants, she particularly valued her experience doing property title research back to the original land grant in support of the Ghent Historical Zoning. She wrote the “Vision 2000” document that set the stage for the 1992 General Plan of Norfolk, for which she was the overall coordinator. She took quiet pride in the fact that her documents were the source of much of the language by which others decided to describe the city and its future, when they wanted to place themselves in compliance with a charitable, yet precise, view of Norfolk’s history. 

Always performing over and beyond anything asked of her, Mary Lou had a unique talent of knowing the solution before anyone even asked the question. Her skill at analyzing situations enabled her to give invaluable advice to all those around. She was devoted to her family, pouring herself into past, present and future. We have a huge and carefully screened genealogical family database, of her construction. We have memories of her staying up late to help with papers and science projects. We remember her being at our soccer games, tournaments, band and orchestra events. Even from hundreds of miles away, she was involved. Up through this year, she was able to travel and attend at least four of Jill’s D-III soccer games in Minnesota each year. While impossible to put all our joyous memories into one document, we see her smile and hold her close to our hearts. 

Upon retirement from NDCP in 1999, Mary Lou continued her intense focus on her children’s progress in college. With the onset of illness, she made an extraordinary journey to be at Ned’s graduation. She attended some of Jill’s major Ultimate Frisbee tournaments. To the end, she was actively monitoring Jill’s progress and acceptance into graduate school in Applied Science at the College of William and Mary. She was the most creative and tactful influence on Ned’s continuing job search during a difficult period for his industry. Her children will miss her guidance. 

In the last months of her life, in addition to watching over her children, Mary Lou focused support on Rob’s new career as a teacher of physics. She would not let him quit to help solve her problems. 

Our memories are filled to the brim with her steadfast love and excellence of achievement. She would have us move on with making the world a better place for all.

A remembrance by Rob Bingham, April 12, 2004

We each grieve in our own way. I have written the Eulogy. It has a genesis, a purpose and some substance. I claim it has been vetted by two of the kindest, most generous and skilled counselors I have ever met: the Rev. Skip Hutton and Dr. Anne Brower. We are extremely well served in this house of the Lord.

In the fall of 1964, we met at a dance. Mary Lou immediately struck me by the comfortable way she carried herself. I was also impressed by the strength and wit with which she made her points. In the Parrish Hall, you will see two photographs taken during the four years we knew each other before marriage. She was one fine-looking young lady! Ned scanned and computer-enhanced the pictures, as I have carried them in my wallet for over 35 years. Mary Lou’s Dad took the picture of us sitting in his love seat. I loved, and continue to love, him and his family as much as I loved Mary Lou. You may already begin to see my purpose here today. I mean to offer you help in the same fashion in which you each are now serving to help me to honor Mary Lou. My spirit is strong, but my brain seems a bit toasted, hopefully just temporarily. Together we can do this. …

Eulogy to Mary Louise Bingham

I am honored to welcome your support as my community congregation. You share my empty broken heart. We come together to repair our grief and loss. We are a team of family, friends, Church and community. Together we carry all the awesome happy memories. It is with these memories that we must fill our hearts and souls. Memories have great purpose. They are for the living.

We gather here today to share the strengths which Mary Lou has given to us. No one with any wit at all could be around Mary Lou without sharing some of her strength. I am going to do this, and you, unfortunate friends and family have volunteered to help me. Let us continue, both to cry and to dry our tears. We each have work and fun things to do. Time is short. 

Do you promise to never do harm, when you could step back and do nothing? Do you promise to look carefully at the present and create a vision of how things really might work better? Can you gather information and resources and inspire others to do the same? Do you understand that when a community is asked to individually volunteer their ideas, they become a team and move to earn ownership and pride in the power of their own being? Do you understand that a Plan, even a broken plan that must be revised and improved, is better than no plan at all? 

Once there were 2PLNRS (license plate). Now there is but myself. You see me in my new disguise (beard?!) Behind this facade are three new things. I now carry a new fierceness, a desire to suffer no fool lightly, but to insist they learn to play to their strengths. I see the danger of a lonely, depressed old man. Lastly, I see a fierce young sailor, ready once again to embark beyond the rocks and shoals of an uncertain world. My new purpose in life is to carry forth from this place with honor the memory of a wife, mother, worker and thinker. We each will do well when we walk in the footsteps of our Mary Lou.

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Mary Lou was one of the St. Louis group in our class.  While we weren’t as big as the Chicago area cohort, we had a loose bond and some of us got together over the holidays now and then.  Since Mary Lou and I were both worked on urban issues, we kept in touch over the years.  I remember her warmth and interest in what others were doing and her dedication to making the Norfolk area and surrounding communities a better place for all who lived there. She was the ultimate class agent, enthusiastic about the college and persuasive about why you should make a contribution.  Her college, her community, her family, and all who knew her benefited tremendously from her love, attention, and energy over the years.

Margaret Simms ’67