The Stalker Net: Friendship 101

My new roommate (and friend) and I have been having the same dead-end argument since the beginning of the summer. Ever since I have known them, it seems to me like they know everyone (and I mean, EVERYONE) at Carleton! I am often astonished at how it seems that everywhere we go they greet someone, how they always recognize who I am talking about when I share a story, or how they have a friend living on every dorm floor and interest house on campus.

So, we did a bit of what you may call research (Carls are inquisitive by nature, after all). We went to the Campus Directory (fondly called the “stalker net” because, well, you can look other people up and “stalk” them), and counted every single person we each knew. The numbers spoke for themselves and after it became apparent that my roommate knows WAY more people than I do, I decided to ask them how it is that they have so many friends. Here’s what I learned:

1. Everyone is a potential friend

One of the qualities that I admire most about my roommate is that they see the good in everyone. In their eyes, your lab partner, your coworkers, and even the person in front of you in the salad bar are all potential friends! All it takes is a little courage (or, if you are me, A LOT of it) to start a conversation that could become a lifelong friendship.

2. The friend [or enemy] of my friend… is also my friend!

Why stop at one friend when they could introduce you to a whole new unknown universe of friends? 

3. Friends share interests… or not!

A common advice that I’ve heard for making friends as an adult is that you need to find people who have the same interests as you. And while there is certainly value in that (I love having friends I can discuss theology or film theory with, after all), the magic of a place like Carleton is that people who are so different from you can introduce you to things you wouldn’t have been exposed to otherwise. My roommate, for example, can now engage in long conversations about the impact of family cartoons in queer representation in media thanks to my extensive rants about it. You’re welcome!

4. Friendships require an investment of time and effort.

Even at the beginning of a relationship, if you truly want it to bloom, you need to show you care. Ask questions and listen attentively. Seek them out to show you value your time with them. Be willing to engage in the things (and with the people) they love. That is how you let the other person know you want a real relationship with them.

5. Like friends, friendships come in all shapes and sizes.

All friendships require effort to bloom and remain strong, but the intensity of said efforts can vary greatly. Sometimes your friend and you will interact daily, sometimes you’ll catch up twice a term over a meal. Sometimes you have intimate conversations and sometimes you hang out in large groups. All of these scenarios make for perfectly valid (and real) friendships!

Ultimately, you should remember that the quality of your relationships is more important than the quantity. Making meaningful connections with people you can learn from and grow with can make your college experience a happier and more fulfilling one and, as my roommate has shown us, it doesn’t have to be hard!

As a junior, Fátima (she/her) is excited to continue her pursuit of a SOAN major and (hopefully!) Educational Studies, Latin American Studies, and Cross-cultural Studies minors. Outside class, she enjoys her leadership roles with Fellowship in Christ and the Undergraduate Journal for Humanistic Studies. In her free time, Fátima likes spending time with her mentee, poorly playing the piano, watching cartoons, and desperately missing her dog, Cosmo. Meet the other bloggers!