On queerness and the college search

This article was written in conjunction with the article “How to Find the Right College for LGBTQ Individuals” on Teen Vogue’s website. 

Let’s be real — being queer and on a college visit can feel incredibly intimidating. Not only are you trying to assess if you’re a good fit for the institution — and the other way around — but you’re also trying to assess if your voice and self would be valued and supported. Admissions Officer Kaelie Lund has been there, done that, and is here to help with her thoughts on being queer and going through the college search process.

LGBTQIA+ Friendliness

There are a few ways that students and families can assess how LGBTQIA+ friendly an institution is, and that starts with doing some research online. Check out websites like Campus Pride to see how a school you are interested in “rates” and what its strengths and weaknesses are for current queer students. Look into what offices or departments a school may have, such as a Gender and Sexuality Center or an LGBTQIA+ office. If it has an office dedicated to supporting queer students, see if it is student-run or if there are paid staff members that oversee that office. That can give you additional insight into how the school you are interested in supports queer students.

Queer students who are going through the college search process are also all at different stages of questioning their identities and coming out: for some this may mean asking an admissions officer point-blank if LGBTQIA+ students are supported on campus, and for others, it may mean trying to piece together clues they see and hear around campus along with their own research they’ve done online. Some students may find it helpful to journal about their experiences visiting colleges to be able to compare LGBTQIA+ friendliness at the point of their college application process when they’re ready to apply to schools.

It’s also important to note that each letter of the LGBTQIA+ acronym is going to face different challenges, too. Transgender and gender non-binary/non-conforming students may have different or specific questions when visiting prospective schools, including gender neutral restrooms, the ability to change names on internal school documents such as an ID, and support from Residence Life offices to find housing options. No matter what questions you may have, they are important and worthy of being asked.

Visiting campus

If you’re able to visit campus, pay attention to the little things. Do tour guides introduce themselves with their pronouns or does your admissions representative list their pronouns in their email signature? Do you see posters around campus advertising events that are targeted towards the LGBTQIA+ community?

If you feel comfortable asking someone in the admissions office about resources for queer students, do they stumble over their answer or are they able to direct you to offices, people to talk to, and groups or events on campus? Hopefully an office where queer students are supported will have trained their staff members to confidently be able to speak about many different kinds of resources on campus, including resources for queer students, even if they themselves have never utilized them.

If you are visiting a college with people you are not out to, don’t worry—you can always follow up with an admissions officer over email or on the phone. You can start by asking what resources are available for LGBTQIA+ students to take advantage of, and see what they say. Other things you may have questions about may related to name changes, working with professors, and safety on campus, all of which are valid and worthy of being asked.

Never worry about asking a silly question throughout this process: you are making a huge decision about where to spend the next several years of your life, and though it may feel scary to ask these questions, you will be grateful you did once you find yourself at a campus that supports you.

Parental and guardian support

If your child comes out to you and requests your help in finding an LGBTQIA+ friendly college, congratulations, you’ve made some awesome parenting choices. Work with your student so they’re able to include “queer friendliness” as a category of their college search, and assess what that means to them. Asking open-ended questions can be really helpful, especially if you don’t know exactly how to ask them.

Try saying this: “I am proud to be your parent for many reasons and want to be an ally for you throughout your college search. Are there ways I can support you?” This may lead to a student sharing questions or concerns they may have with you and allowing you to act as an advocate on their behalf. Your student may feel uncomfortable talking on the phone or emailing with an admissions rep to ask questions regarding LGBTQIA+ friendliness — this can be a moment for you to step in and ask those questions your child may have.

Identity and the college essay

The best advice I have for writing a stellar college essay is show us a snapshot, not a scrapbook. It’s incredibly hard to fit your entire life story in such a small amount of words, and if you try to that it may leave a sour taste in your mouth that you can’t do justice to your entire story. We in the admissions world get that, and would prefer if you instead focus on just one (or two, or three — everyone’s different) moment in your life to open up on.

If you’re interested in writing about your gender or sexual identity in your college essay, don’t try to fit your entire coming out journey — instead, focus on one or two moments that were formative throughout that journey. Give yourself permission to cut out other important and valid moments by recognizing that you have a word limit and you are not going to be able to fully tell your story to the justice it deserves in that limited amount.

Unsure of what to write? Be bold and above all, be true to yourself. We can tell when you’ve had a bunch of folks help edit your essay, so sure, ask your trusted English teacher for feedback and make sure everything is spelled correctly, but don’t let everyone you know weigh in on a shared Google document. Let your own voice shine through here.

Reach out

You’ve got this. The Carleton admissions office is here to answer any and all questions you may have about campus life, the application process, and more. Let us know how we can support you, and trust us—we’re excited to get to know you.