How to Room With A Stranger

If you’re like me, one of the scariest things about moving to college is a roommate. To make things even scarier, Carleton has a random roommate process for first-year students. When I walked into my room on move-in day, I had so many fears: what if we don’t get along? What if she thinks I’m weird? And most importantly, what if our room decor doesn’t match? 

But even on that first day, I could tell that I had nothing to worry about. Linnea (my roommate) and I had the same humor, and started to become close friends. So, if you are worried about your random roommate, here are my top five tips for creating a great relationship with them. (Spoiler alert: mismatched decor is not the end of the world)

1. Start conversations:

It’ll be awkward at first, I promise you. But nothing is worse than not talking to your roommate until an uncomfortable amount of time has passed. Even asking simple questions like: where are you from? or What do you like to do? can lead to so much more. On the first day, Linnea and I started talking about our hometowns and ended up talking until about one in the morning. It really helped us get to know each other better. 

2. Find out why you were matched:

ResLife places you with someone who has similar rooming expectations. It was a fun game for me to figure out why I was matched with Linnea. I would say something like “I said I wanted to live on a medium social floor” and she would say, “Me too!” It was really cool to know that there was someone in my class who was so much like me. This conversation also helped us talk about room expectations, which lasted the rest of the year. From that day on, I didn’t feel nervous to ask if I could have the room for an hour, or if she could tell me her schedule for the next day. It was like we could mold our space into something that worked for both of us. 

3. Do small things together

Use your shared space as an opportunity to hang out. My roommate and I both painted our nails every week in high school (which is a wild coincidence since she’s the only other person I’ve met who did this). After the first week, we started doing it together. It wasn’t like we were going out of our way to hang out with each other, but doing things we would normally do alone, together. You don’t have to plan something elaborate, but find something in the room that you love to do together. 

4. Don’t be afraid to be yourself

The main reason why Linnea and I got along was because we didn’t try to be anyone else. It can be intimidating to meet someone new and immediately have them see you in your natural habitat, but being yourself is the best way to connect. Sometimes, all it takes is one joke or question to get the ball rolling. So whether you want to laugh about your ridiculous clumsiness or ask about the meaning of life, do it. Chances are, your roommate will join in. 

5. Don’t stress it

I know it’s a cliche. And that it doesn’t help when someone says “Don’t stress,” but let the relationship flow naturally. You were matched for a reason. You’re at Carleton for a reason (see Will’s blog on belonging!). Don’t worry about not fitting in or making friends because you will. Even if you aren’t best friends with your roommate, you’ll have many opportunities to meet new people and try new things. 

It’s totally normal to be afraid of living with someone new, but try to think about it as a built-in support system. College is a big transition, but having someone by my side made it so much easier.

Kate (she/her) is a sophomore from the Bay Area, California. She loves Carleton’s artsy community and is involved in the Theater and Dance department and the Vocal Studies Program. Kate’s favorite places on campus are the practice rooms, either in Myers or the Weitz, where she is often making music with her friends. When not in class, you can find Kate either walking in the arb or forcing her friends to watch bad movies in a study room.