Give Me Back My Cow.

Well, we’re two weeks into classes, and it’s already colder than the average Californian winter’s day, midterms are already a thing of conversation, and we’ve already had one (1) tornado warning. So pretty exciting!

I figured I’d go back and fill in a detail of NSW Week I just can’t ignore, and that’s the “NOlympics.”

Don’t ask me why we call it that, I’ve already forgotten. But basically, all freshmen were grouped into teams based on residence hall and floor, which then competed through a bevy of activities from sorting different types of waste into their proper containers (more fun than it sounds) to chasing someone dressed as a cow throughout the Rec (definitely as fun as it sounds). But my group wasn’t interested in that facet of the competition. In fact, we intentionally sucked at it.

Why? There was a second competition that night: that of best theme. The prize? A stuffed cow. Who could pass that up? So the third and fourth floors of Cassat (I’m a proud Third Cassat resident) were jointly determined to win. Our list of ideas ran the gamut from Cruella de Vil (with a beloved RA in the titular role) to subatomic particles (okay, I might’ve been the only proponent of that one), but what we finally settled on was Bougie/Bourgeois/Boujee (the world may never know!) Cassat.

I guess that requires a bit of context. Allow me to explicate via meme:

Virtually everyone at Carleton seems to be a meme enthusiast, so everyone in the room was quite aware that Bougie Cassat was going to end up on the table. Upon further discussion, we realized the Cassat stereotype (likely based in the fact that Cassat is the newest, “nicest” dorm, and runs on renewable energy) was uncomfortably fitting for us. So we voted that idea in. And we went to town.

Now, I’m usually not one for competition (at all), but this was different. This was a battle of creativity. Putting together my outfit was equal parts fun and embarrassing, but by far the best part of our collective ensemble was the addition of the succulents. The Succulents. Almost. Everyone. Had some. It was glorious. In fact, a friend and I shared the exact same collection of lil’ felt succulents, so we brought them and walked to the Rec together, arm in arm, chins held (preposterously) high.

Part Two of our master plan to win the night lay in our acting. I’m proud to say we stayed in character throughout the event. From utter dorm-based condescension (“Oh, you live in Goodhue? I’m so sorry.”) to an absolute refusal to be kept standing (the entire team walked from event to event with chairs in hand), we showed our determination to win best theme to anyone who might notice. Hence, our sucking at the actual (largely physical) competitions. We were just So Above That, you know?

And now for the twist of the night: we won. And our prize was hecking stolen.

The winners were announced the following night in Skinner Memorial Chapel. The “real” winners of the night got their shirts or whatever, and then Third/Fourth Cassat actually won. We were ecstatic. I shrieked. Our cow was revealed. And before we could even get to the stage for a triumphant team picture, it was gone. Poof. Into the void.

There are rumors. Rumblings about a mutinous First Cassat, a thieving Fourth Burton. We investigated said claims immediately, moving in an angry, bougie horde across campus. But to no avail. Our dear stuffed cow was gone.

I hear it happens every year. Still, I am devastated. Determined. Obsessed. I will find that cow. Once I adapt to tornadoes, sub-60° temperatures, and third-week midterms, at least.

But anyway. Until next time!

And @Fourth Burton: we’re watching you.

Lucas just entered his freshman year at Carleton, bringing with him a passion for all things nerdy and a talent for overthinking and awkwardness (and self-deprecation). He hails from Pasadena, California, and yes, he realizes it gets cold out here. Currently wildly undecided, he can see himself attempting a Physics and Cinema and Media Studies double major, although Chemistry, Economics, and Computer Science (among many other subjects) have been tempting him as well. He is on the hunt for a special stuffed cow.

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