Facing First Term Fears

Living away from home for the first time has been an amazing experience that has come with a lot of really awesome things but also a lot of challenges. However, I believe that the challenges here have truly been good for me to face and each one has helped me overcome some of my fears. Let me walk you through some of them!

Living away from my family

I was terrified of moving away from home for a myriad of reasons. Up until a couple of days before visiting Carleton, I thought I was going to be in-state and not far from my parents. Unforeseen circumstances prevented this and I ended up at Carleton, 902 miles away from my home in Denver. 

While I miss them every day, I have found an amazing community of people here. The people I see and interact with every day give me a sense of home and family. I was so terrified that I would end up alone in college but instead I have already made some of the richest friendships of my life. 

Physical Contact

Like a lot of people my age, physical contact can be a little bit iffy for me. In high school, it was a huge boundary for me, which is perfectly fine, however it affected me enough where I decided that it was something that I wanted to work on in college. 

So what did I do? I joined rugby. I honestly cannot think of many sports with more physical contact. Just google scrum and you’ll know exactly what I mean. I got over my fear of that real quick. The environment on the team is very supportive and understanding of everyone’s comfort level. It’s easy to trust the people on the team which makes it a very comfortable environment to work on that.

Another thing I’ve gone to is social dance. If I told my high school sophomore self that I would be going to social dance club (think waltz, tango, rumba, dances like that), I think she would’ve laughed in my face. That one was a little scarier for me, but again the environment here is very understanding and when I inevitably max out before the meeting is over, there’s never any judgment.

Putting Myself Out There

Wow, was this one a challenge. In high school, I could take charge of a room or a project easily and I had no problem expressing my opinions to others. However, when it came to making friends, that was definitely a struggle. Going up to new people with the intention of making friends was just something that I couldn’t imagine myself doing at any point in high school or middle school.

However, since getting here, some sort of switch flipped in me that said, “Girl, these people are really cool. Do you really want to miss out on getting to know them?” That was the motivation I needed to put myself out there. I’m so happy that I did because, oh my gosh, people here are amazing. So many people that I’ve talked to have huge passions for things, giant hearts, and awesome senses of humor. This is the fear I’m probably the proudest of getting over because it’s opened up the world to me in so many ways I didn’t know possible.

Coming off as less than “the best”

Okay, I’m trusting you guys not to judge me here. In high school, I always felt the need to be at the top of my classes all the time. It felt as though if I wasn’t the best, I wouldn’t be taken seriously. 

So when I came to Carleton and it was no longer possible for me to be the best, I was seriously humbled. It’s a typical experience of those who go to a selective college, however that doesn’t make it any less challenging to not be at the same level you once were in high school. 

I’ll be real with you, there have been times where I’ve felt like the dumbest person in the room or in my social circles, and it might sound ridiculous (it does to me writing it now,) but I was legitimately worried for a little bit that it I wasn’t the smartest, I was the dumbest and that I would be on the outs.

This was the imposter syndrome that I had to overcome by reminding myself where my roots were. I had to remember where I came from and where I’m going and that put things into some much needed perspective. 

Overall, college so far has definitely given me some opportunities to choose to overcome my fears as well as shove them in my face and say “you will either overcome or go home.” I hope my being vulnerable here will cause whoever is reading this to feel less alone in their own fears as well as excited for the opportunity to grow and become better versions of themselves.